Before you get started, here is a list of things you might wanna know:
• i'm in the process of recreating my life ~
• my best friend is in heaven, and my mom is too
• I like playing with web design, writing poetry, & posting personal thoughts
• ps. my posting schedule is erratic
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. <3
So, i'm finally getting into some sort of routine or atleast i'd like to think. I work out in the morning and then begin job applying again. I kind of made a mistake along the way. At first when I was applying to jobs I guess I didn't realize how far some were from my current location. AKA i'm not going to an interview that's located two hours away from my current destination >.< Second mistake i've made was applying for jobs without reading all of the described or required job duties and basically thinking it was a different type of position. I'm trusting the process and trying to make the best of it for the time being. Hope everyones enjoying their November ~ (: sincerly, still jobless. lol
I looked around the gym and it felt wonderful to see so many human beings of all different ages trying to better themselves. I guess the ones that made an impression on me were those who were my mothers age and older. Specifically because I wish she would have tried to better herself too.
Day 9 or 10
Well I finally got my car shipped.. which im utterly so thankful for. I no longer feel stuck or feel like I need an uber or someone to drive me around to places. I finally washed my hair for the first time in 11 days. (my hair products were in my car and I wanted to wait) Other than that, I felt it quite strange that the people who dropped my car off or atleast one of them was telling me how he had a car just like mine before he went to prison. I kind of wanted to ask what he went to prison for, but I left it at that. I guess my goal for tomorrow will be to pay off my credit cards and start actively job searching. Don't know what i'm doing or where i'm going with my life but I love that it's warm here. My cat I think is still adjusting slower than i'd like him too but that okay. I thought I was going to be able to give him the opportunity to be an outside cat again but now i'm rethinking things. Unfortunately, there's a lot of wild life predators where i'm staying, such as hawks, snakes, and get this.... even a bobcat apparently. I'm still questioning if I did the right thing but I think my gut knows I did. I didn't want to stay where I was living, and I knew nobody would be able to take care of the cat the way I do. I'm also a little beat up that apparently since I graduated school my microsoft word no longer works and find myself typing instead into basic notepad and adjusting to google docs. It's not the same, which annoys me but like everything i'm adjusting to many sorts of changes in my life.
Hi ya'll (literally)
I wish this would be a solid update but just my monthly journal. So I finally moved to Florida. It's wonderful here, there's so many exotic birds, lizards, and the best part is it's warm lol. I still haven't gotten a job yet, but I have saved enough money to life comfortably for a few months. Still settling in though, my car hasn't arrived and was shipped late to the state. Trying to take everything day by day (since it's technically only my 3rd day here). My cat is also adjusting slowly..... v e r y slowly. He's not use to hearing roosters at the crack of dawn or throughout the day which is nice for me to hear (I like it) but a cat maybe not so much lol.
& i'm finally updating.
It's been awhile folks. A lot has been changing in my life and I haven't had the chance to vent in the web. So, after paying to ship my car and putting down the down payment/deposit, my car suddenly broke down and is now undriveable.. so I need to find myself a car fairly quick within the next three weeks. Luckily enough (for now) I have a car I can temporarily borrow so that is a help especially for work to say the least. Anyways if anyones looking to purchase suitecases, surpsingly enough I found a solid deal of 3 suitecases for only 103.00 on walmart.com so that was a solid save. Minus the set back of now having to purchase a new or used car, lol. I haven't written anything in the last four weeks, even on microsoft word or my phones notepad. I guess that's what being busy is or being an adult >.<
Packing & Unpacking
I should have came up with a better title but that's really what i've just been doing... packing and unpacking. I'm gathering all of belongings into little plastic bins. Taking things out, rearranging them, or not putting them back in. Throughout this process, I guess I have discovered i'm somewhat of a hoarder. I wonder if anyone else still has their school work from 3rd grade stashed in a storage bin somewhere? If so i'd like to know I wasn't the only one. Letting things go was hard at first but i'm slowly going through everything, very s l o w l y. Watching Marie Kondo on Netflix, seems like it's making things a little easier tho, lol. Other than that, i'm still doing a lot of soul searching and healing since i've lost my mom. It's hard when the only thing she ever wanted from you was something you couldn't giver her at the time. It's hard to keep thinking everyday in my head that the wrong parent died. It's hard doing everything by myself now and wondering if i'm making the right decisions.
Deciding on how you want to live your life seems easier said then done. Change is inevitable and growth is a process. But how many times does one need to rebuild their life until they finally get it right? I'm not sure if that's a realistic question or applies to anyone else in any sort of manner. Trying to decipher this code leads me to the same conclusion, I don't know what i'm doing, and i'm still trying to get it right. But i'm trying my best and I think that's all one can do.
I left work early today; I couldn't deal with the stress and anxiety of always being "on call". It's hard to set boundaries with someone and explain time and time and time again.
& it's strange
I use to be able to walk by a park bench and not give a second thought about the memorial written on it. Now I sit and wonder random questions such as who they were, did they have goals and dreams, did they live their life to the fullest and accomplish what they wanted to do before they died? And then I wonder if i'm going to be able to answer those questions about myself one day.
Time is moving so fast.
I'm trying to decide between switching to a new host or stay with neocities. I enjoy neocities, but not having the benefits of PHP really annoy me. Anyways thats all for now.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. <3